So yeah, last night.

Went to a housewarming party.
Drank too much (I know you are all so surprised right now).
Left too late to catch the last train home so I had to spend a million years on the GhettoBus back to the East Bay.
Realized I was missing my phone.
Realized I was missing my keys.
Realized my catsitter had my only set of spare keys (which I usually leave in a local spot buried in a baggie just in case something like this happens).
...Fuck.
Decided I was NOT spending the night outside because fuck that it's cold and I'm drunk and there is a warm bed right in there.
Tossed a brick through my own bathroom window.
Slept.
Cursed a lot the next day when I realized that my cell phone and keys were total history.
Told my landlord that someone threw a brick through my window.

>_>

Make me a music recommendation with the following groups in mind: Massive Attack and Portishead. Also along these lines: IAMX, Ladytron, Black Rebel Motorcycle club. (I don't need help finding industrial/electro, since my boyfriend essentially lives, breathes and bleeds the stuff, and I also don't believe in new punk or metal so skip all that.)

I luuuurrrveeee Massive Attack and Portishead like <3 <3 <3 but I haven't run across much else that even comes close to comparing within the same vein.  This depresses me.  IAMX etc. are basically examples of music listened to largely by people that I sort of want to beat up, but I love the music anyway.  I just don't think I'll be biting their fan's hairstyles anytime soon.

It's like 24 days til I see Adam again.  Meanwhile it's all being broke and job-hunting bullshittery, AKA this month is going to suck.

Sometimes I think I'm better off just being a player and not getting all emotionally involved-like.  Don't get me wrong; I absolutely adore being loved and I adore loving back even more maybe, but I hate all the nasty shit it dredges up in my personality, especially where something long distance is concerned.  I get to thinking too much.  I dissect everything.  I question my own motives (far more than I question anyone else's, interestingly) and wonder just how honest I'm being with myself about everything.  I wonder what I'm being mislead on or am just deliberately not seeing.  I wonder if I'm being a fool.  I get all fucking paranoid. 

Really, it's just the dregs of past traumas coming to the surface.  You can't have a history of crashes and burns and deaths and divorces like I do and not spend a huge amount of time going "omfg" the instant you have anything to lose.  It's nothing to do with Adam, really...I mean, there have been one or two fucked up incidents that cast a shadow over us, but I'm pretty sure that's seriously history even though it still causes a domino emotional effect sometimes.  In the end, he's not perfect - he's a stupid boy just like all stupid boys, and I mean that in the most affectionate sense possible.  But in comparison to the average wang-bearer, Adam is a total angel.  Hopefully that opinion still stands 6 months from now.

I miss him.  I miss having a job and not being broke and not having to worry about things so much and I wish things weren't such a cacophony of suck right now.  I don't want to be flat broke over the holidays...I LOVE splurging and getting people stuff.  But I think it's going to be a lean birthday/Christmas for me and mine this year...although I mayyyyyy have talked my parents into getting me a Kindle DX as a cumulative gift.  They haven't gotten me anything in friggin' years so I'm harassing them.  Cuz Wikipedia while riding BART = heaven.  Or at least, a little less hell.